Nicolette Hugo

FACT NOT FICTION: The Dom Files is a collection of articles written by dominant men who share their perspectives, experiences and desires…

Suffer for Me

I admit, I might have a slight sadistic streak. Or at least sometimes I think so. And yet I am not a pluck the wings off a fly and watch it die kinda guy. In fact I would probably carry an outsized sense of guilt for such an act. No, I do not gain sexual arousal or gratification from the act of inflicting pain. So perhaps I am not much of a sadist after all. Yet there is something in sadism that draws me like a moth to the flame. Indeed, if you are my submissive, I want you to suffer for me.

But suffering in my book does not necessarily infer extreme pain, and definitely not harm. It infers struggle. So perhaps it is more accurate to say that I want you to struggle for me, and in that struggle there is suffering. But I do not want to simplywatch you struggle. I want to feel you struggle. I want to know the internal battle that wages within and I want to sense every manifestation of your duel between the forces of devotion versus ego, a desire to please versus self-preservation. You see, it is not the pain and bloodshed of the battlefield but rather the heroism, honor and the struggle for victory that I find so appealing. And you my submissive, you are the battlefield on which the fight for victory of devotion over self is played out. And I want to know you and your struggle intimately.

I give you challenges, not for the pain or even the pleasure but for the struggle. Each time you face a difficult challenge or even the impossible Catch-22, the internal battle waged between the desire to surrender to the overwhelming pain or pleasure versus the desire to be victorious in absolute devotion to your Master is erotic beyond measure. And each time that you win out over your ego, sense of self or self-preservation, you become stronger and more confident. No less submissive for your victory, you in fact become more so. For in your confidence and self-awareness comes a greater desire to delve still further into the depths of submission.

When I say that I don’t simply want to watch you suffer but that I want to feel your struggle I mean it quite literally. I want to physically feel the emotional and tactile battle playing out within you as you struggle for supremacy of submission over ego and id. In pleasure and pain I want to literally be inside you, being as much a part of you and your struggle as I possibly can, even as I am the source of that very challenge. What kind of challenge? The kind where sensory overload must be endured and the will to stop must be overcome to achieve a goal on behalf of your Master.

A perennial favorite revolves around physically pleasing me in one way or another while undergoing some form of challenge; relief or release from that challenge only being granted upon completion of some task such as bringing me to orgasm. This is all the more enticing because I have anything but a short fuse and can endure long periods of stimulation without orgasming. A struggle must be epic for there to be glory in victory.

One example might be requiring you to kneel naked before me, knees wide apart, holding a Hitachi to your swollen throbbing clit while pleasuring me with your mouth. Of course you are neither permitted to cum nor remove the Hitachi until I achieve my own release. The Hitachi being a relentless and powerful foe there is little chance of your success. But all the while I get to not only observe your desperately devoted struggle but I get to intensely feel it as well. Every convulsion, every clench, every desperate moan and pleading cry is transmitted to and through me as the Hitachi works tirelessly at your overly sensitized clit. But it is not merely the physical stimulation of your struggle but the emotional gratification of your devotion and loyalty in the battle to persevere over the Hitachi that pleases me most. It is in these moments where you struggle mightily against insurmountable odds to please and serve that your submission is most forcefully presented. The sense that you will do anything for me, anything for us, is a most powerful aphrodisiac and is one of the many ways that we further cement our D/s bond.

We play this scene out over and over, the details being different but the struggle, emotion and sense of oneness the same. Whether it is paddling your ass or tugging at your nipple clamps as you ride me, flogging your pussy or spanking your ass while you please me with your mouth, the challenge of submission and service over self-preservation and ego makes you the warrior princess, the dragon slayer, the heroine of our story. In your submission and absolute devotion you become ever more powerful and thus the rewards of your submission greater still. You struggle for me. You suffer for me. And in that battle you display the discipline of a soldier, the loyalty of a knight, and the humility of a monk.

And all the while, I get to not only witness your battles, I get to live them and feel them as I reside deep inside of you. Feeling every physical and emotional reaction to pleasure and pain. Feeling your mind and body struggle with the challenge to simultaneously please me as Master and fight the battles I set forth for you as antagonist. You fight my challenges all the while you struggle to serve me. Your will to please and serve, submit and surrender is never more apparent, present and tangible.

We are never more actively united in a sense of oneness and common purpose in our D/s bond than when you suffer for me.

Note: The above article has been re-blogged with permission from the author