Dom Files - Chair 2

FACT NOT FICTION: The Dom Files is a collection written by dominant men who share their perspectives, experiences and desires…

First: I embed thoughts in your mind; images of torment, suggestions of misuse, details of how your body will be abused in order to give me pleasure, descriptions of your helplessness, your vulnerability, the sensitivity of your flesh.

Then cleansing; removal of doubt, self-conscience awareness, issues of guilt, boundaries of thought; discarded taboos.
Next is preparation; removing your freedom, your ability to choose, your ease of movement, your will to deny – freeing your being to enable it to ‘feel’.

Finally, the first subtle touch, not harsh or invasive; just a brush against your skin, and the voice in your head releases a scream, severe in intensity, penetrating deep. The scream echoes on your lips; not from fear, not from pain, not from discomfort – simply an involuntary reaction to you ability to ‘really feel’.

Now – I will show you how far you can truly travel in a world of intense sensations, beyond the basic penetration of vanilla-based sex.

Pain alone is not my goal. I impose ‘sensations’ both physically upon your body and painted within your imagination.

I want you to ‘feel’ beyond your core senses, making a cocktail of experiences, supplemented by your receptive mind, not simply felt by the most sensitive areas of your flesh.

Controlling your mind and training it to adapt to sensations (some might consider cruel) serves to broader your ability to truly feel and understand the pleasures your body can endure.

You will always be safe and protected in my care, but your boundaries are mine to address and your limits will be tested so that your submission is constantly encouraged to evolve.
Your submission is not a constant state, it is an ever changing life experience .

Note: The above article has been re-blogged with permission from the author

there is an art to it…

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There is an art to it,
where to make contact,
at the fullest point,
the rise of her bottom,
and an art to how hard.

Too high, too hard
and you can damage her
inside, too low and you leave
her unable to walk
and kneel properly when you are done.

Too soft,
and it is a game,
not a claiming.

There is an art to it,
and done right, done well,
her desire for more, for “again”,
makes you the artist,
and her, the masterpiece.

Kindly reblogged with permission from The Other Poems

 

Dom Files - Hands

FACT NOT FICTION: The Dom Files is a collection written by dominant men who share their perspectives, experiences and desires…

Dominant Traits – Submission is Earned Not Ordered

In my seemingly endless quest to identify and describe the essence of Dominance and submission I have often found it easier to describe what it is not versus what it is. My writing it turns out has been less an act of description and more an effort to identify boundaries, framing D/s into something coherent and tangible. So once again I am going to begin with the contrast of what Dominance is not, and in so doing hopefully allude to what it is.

The greatest misconception I see from aspiring and wannabe Doms is that Dominance is about asserting active control and giving orders to satisfy one’s own desires. There is no doubt that the carrying out of commands can be a manifestation and indeed a fringe benefit of being a Dominant, but the selfish motivation is all wrong. Hubris, hedonism and narcissism are not the bedrock on which Dominance is built. Indeed, they are the enemy and even antithesis of successful dominance.

A submissive does not initially kneel because she has been ordered to. A submissive kneels because a Dominant has entered her world who recognized her deep seated need to kneel before another and serve them completely. But she does not kneel simply because she is in the company of one claiming to be a Dominant. Rather, she does so because someone has finally proven themselves worthy of her gifts and has successfully unlocked her desire to grant them without reservation.

The Dominant does not accomplish this through orders but rather through patient questioning and attentive active listening. The Dominant does not order a submissive to her knees to serve him but rather creates an environment of trust, desire and anticipation within which the submissive falls to her knees in devoted service of her own volition. Despite the pornographic BDSM imagery of force and even brutality and humiliation between a Dominant and submissive, long before there is kink and physical power exchange there is generally a full and complete emotional exchange of power. This is not done through bludgeoning or brutality but rather through patient and loving drawing out of desire. It is coaxing not command.

When my Muse first knelt for me I did not order her to her knees, she asked permission to do so. My job as Dominant was not to command but rather to enable. She reached the decision that I was the one she wanted to kneel before on her own. I simply created the environment where she felt comfortable, safe and desirous of doing so and I have the duty to continually and unfailingly nurture that environment for as long as our relationship continues. It is work. It is hard work.

A Dominant doesn’t get to enjoy this level of devotion and service by sitting back imperiously giving orders. They do so by continually and actively investing in the betterment of the relationship and the people within it. That means not only continually working to draw out the best in a submissive, but also continually seeking to be a better and more worthy Dominant. It is an active pursuit that takes hard work and unflinching dedication.

It is true that as a Dominant I get to give orders and often benefit directly from their being carried out; it is indeed good to be in command. But while I may be in command today, I have to continually earn the position, and could lose it in a heartbeat through misdeed or neglect. It is a revokable honor. But I did not gain the status of command by giving orders. I can give orders because the position of command has been granted me by a submissive. This is a distinction that seems to be lost on many.

Menacingly snarling out orders like “On your knees slut” does not make anyone a Dominant, but being a Dominant earns the ability to give such orders. Before any of that, the respect and desire of a submissive must be earned and that is an act of drawing out, not commanding. Only after submission is truly earned and freely given can a Dominant presume to have the right and ability to give orders. And even at that, obedience is only obtained when there is will and desire to do so. It is the job of the dominant to foster that desire.

I would argue that the title of Dominant or Master is NOT something one confers upon oneself as I so often see here on Tumblr and elsewhere. It is an identity and honorific that is earned from and bestowed by a submissive. I may believe myself to have a dominant personality, but I am not a “Dominant” or “Master” until a submissive identifies me as hers and we agree to that relationship. Anything less is mere posturing and bluster.

So the bottom line is that submission is earned not ordered. Dominance is a gentle act of drawing out not commanding; indeed it is a high form of seduction versus brutality. And while Dominants have egos, the act of dominance is not an ego-driven domineering state. It is perhaps most surprisingly an act of vulnerability and love.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013

Image © Marcus J. Ranum

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Note: The above article has been re-blogged with permission from the author

Dom Files - Hands

FACT NOT FICTION: The Dom Files is a collection written by dominant men who share their perspectives, experiences and desires…

Why do I choose to be a Dominant?

I’ve been asked the classic D/s $64000 question a hundred times and it’s never a short answer. It took me years to work it out myself.

Growing up I remember once fantasizing about tying my naked girlfriend up in some extremely restrictive pose and just enjoying the view. The confronting bit is that I was about 8 years old at the time. Before any form of sexual awakening and way before puberty, my imagination was already playing a D/s video in my head.

Through my teens and the discovery of sex and sexuality I became both disturbed and afraid of my own desires. I liked the idea of hurting a woman; or more to the point, of a woman devoting herself to me enough to let me hurt her. I hoped I’d outgrow the idea and chose, for their sake, not to get too romantically close with anyone.

At 18, things changed…

After a few weeks of being fuck buddies with a sophisticated older girl of 21, I dragged out the “got any interesting fantasies?” line. She wordlessly got up and opened her wardrobe to reveal a truly impressive collection of whips, chains, handcuffs, collars, hoods and other stuff that I had previously only associated with either stables or medieval law enforcement. She was a sub – pretty hardcore – and saw the dominant in me before I even knew what that was.

From there, I was introduced to the clandestine and underground D/s community (pre-Internet) where I immediately found my own kind. People who lived totally normal lives and happened to have power exchange at the centre of their significant relationships. I was a young-in-the-head smart ass now surrounded by mature, experienced and very generous people who put up with my stupidity and mentored me into understanding myself and the women who would gravitate towards the type of man I was becoming.

This is where I found out why I’m a Dom…

Being a dominant man isn’t about the props. The fact that I’m a good shot with a flogger and I know where not to land it on a human body doesn’t qualify me. It’s not about how many knots I know or whether my partner calls me Sir. They’re the symptoms, not the disease.

The fact that I LIKE using a flogger on the right person doesn’t make me dominant either. It does make me a sadist, which I am.

The fact that being called Master or Sir or something similarly deferential does actually move me probably just makes me a conceited prat, but it is what it is.

No, I am a dominant man because of the aching beauty of submission.

In whatever form it takes, a woman’s choice to submit to my will, to go to that length to please me, to put that much trust in my honor, is intoxicating. It brings the sweetest intimacy into the relationship and inspires me to look after her with everything I have. It’s an incredible gesture to be on the receiving end of, and the most telling expression of love anyone has ever shown me.

It transcends the bedroom…its so much more than the sex, the pain or the latex.

When my girl and I cross the road, she has to hold my hand. She’s done this, almost without exception, at every street we’ve crossed in the last 11 years. Holding just the last two fingers of my hand as we walk. It’s a tiny thing but I love it. She doesn’t look for traffic. She doesn’t second guess me. She hands over the reins and gives me 100% control, literally putting her life in my hands. I decide when we cross, how, where, how fast we walk. And she trusts me completely.

That’s the essence of a D/s relationship. The dominant partner makes decisions, the submissive partner trusts what has been decided. The toys, the sex, the rituals, the costumes are all part of the flavoring but that’s not what matters.

Having a man you can trust that deeply with your welfare is a submissive woman’s sanctuary, and having a woman who shows that much deference to you is a dominant man’s inspiration.

It’s enough to make me insist upon this type of relationship. It’s enough to make me demand it of my partner, and myself. Does life get in the way? Yes. Some of the props and the party tricks take a back seat, but the mindset is always there…always on my muse, my slave, my object. Always on my girl.

– Lewis

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Note: The above article has been re-blogged with permission from the author